When did we stop wanting lifelong relationships?

No. I’m not talking about affairs of the heart (or lack thereof) in a Bridget Jones-esque display of bitterness. I’m talking about relationships with brands. In fact, if the all pervasiveness of brands is as current statistics would suggest, then I’m talking of just about every other interaction in my life apart from those desperatetomakeitwork and maybethisistheone interactions with the opposite sex.

I got sidetracked by this train of thought when I stumbled across Neil Boorman’s blog - http://bonfireofthebrands.blogspot.com/ and found myself pondering cynically whether his desire to live an unbranded life was a genuine exploration of his relationship with labels. Or whether, in fact, he just thought it would make a good plotline and a dead cert for publication.

Now it’s hard for me to be objective in this. Despite working in the Kings Cross streetwalker end of the advertising business (commonly referred to as ‘the below the line agency’) I spend a fair bit of my time thinking about brands. What they stand for. How they can be leveraged to sell mediocre products. Those of you in the small space mono press ad and matching direct mail pack world will know the kind of thing. And, being below the line, my client patter often leads with the need for a brand to have a ‘relationship’ with the consumer.

But I have to consider the possibility that I (and perhaps a few other people) don’t actually want to have a relationship with a brand – or even do some very New York date juggling and see a few at once. My ‘relationships’ with brands seem to be purely transactional. I give them something they want, and they reciprocate. You give me this credit card rate, make me look like I have a clue how to dress myself, or give me that bit of information – and I’ll pass over my hard earned cash, my personal data and permission to try to sell me stuff. No harm done, no pride dented and certainly no hearts broken. If I was talking about personal relationships I would be forced to presume that one of us was a prostitute. And I’m not sure I want to know which one of us it is.

So here’s a possible mission. To find one brand that I really like, that I’d choose to spend a Sunday afternoon with over the option of getting drunk with a mate and bitching about the ex (their’s or mine – doesn’t matter). One I can envision a lifelong relationship with. http://www.superbrands.com/uk/ seems like a good place to start but it doesn’t seem to get me anywhere. Movers and shakers in UK brand world they may be but I don’t feel any form of compulsion towards any of them. I mean sure – Apple is cool. And (like everyone else) I use Google for my searches. But I don’t want to sleep with them. First sign of a guy with a better bottom and a sharper sense of humour and I’ll be off – taking my toothbrush with me and leaving a request that they don’t email, they don’t call and they certainly never write.

Don’t get me wrong, clearly brands are important. In a world of parity products I know that in the end I will go with the logo I know, the logo that I fancy just a little bit or have seen my friends flirting with. The logo that hasn’t treated me badly in the past. But I don’t want to invite them into the house so they can talk while I’m trying to watch TV or stand in front of the screen when I’m checking my personal emails and neither do I feel particularly comfortable with the image of them standing in the corner at a party, wearing the latest gear (the blogs, the podcast, the pages on Myspace) waiting for me to ask them to come over and have a chat.

What I really seem to want is a brand that’s just a little bit at my beck and call but without being a doormat. Who understands if I don’t want to meet up this Sunday because I’ve got plans with someone else. A brand that if I do call them last minute because my plans fall through doesn’t mind – and we end up having a fun time anyway. They’ll drop me the odd note (nothing pushy) just to find out how I’m doing, whether I fancy meeting up or not - and they’ll take the hint if I don’t respond by giving me a bit of space to think about whether I see a long term future for ‘us’.

So. Either this whole thing has in fact been about my personal life – or this singleton is desperately seeking a halfway decent CRM programme with a GSOH.